The Rôle of the Owner and Trainer

"What?", you might ask, "Isn't this a training guide for the cocktoy, not the owner?". Yes, it is. But it's impossible to produce and nurture a good cocktoy without taking the responsibilities of ownership and training seriously. I have read numerous writings and jottings alleging that they can tell you how to 'train' submissive women to the tastes of whomever wrote them (my own site included), nearly all of them assuming or presuming that the 'Master' has been dropped from the heavens in the shape of omniscient expert incarnate. If that's the case, it's reasonable to ask why such a paragon might wish to read a training guide but this seems not to have occurred to the authors.

If you talk to the poor girls who have to put up with this rather than the many male fantasists, a common and recurring complaint is "I wish someone would provide a training manual for Masters". I'm sorry to say that this isn't one either, but neither does it shirk its responsibility for pointing out the duties and responsibilities on the owner's side.

Owner or Trainer?

You will also find a common assumption running throughout the literature: that the owner is also the trainer of the cocktoy. There are reasons for this, jealousy and ignorance amongst others, yet experience and common sense suggest that these are two separate tasks which might be combined into a single person but probably should not be.

The owner's task is to enjoy the cocktoy, to nurture and care for her, to provide reward, direction, discipline and framework within which she can give her best. He must clearly define what kind of cocktoy he wants and then ensure that the steps are taken to get her there.

The trainer's task is to take the raw material (the embryonic cocktoy) and put in place a learning program that she can follow, shaping her into the finished article that the owner wants. Few training programs are unalloyed pleasure and the best trainers combine psychological insight, inspiration, coaching and leadership skills with the ability to motivate and, where necessary, inspire fear as well. To speak of a finished article may be misleading since no cocktoy is ever fully finished but with most of the job done, a maintenance program can be put in place which tops-up and reinforces the skills learned in the induction period.

How many would-be owners possess the skills of trainer and coach? Those who don't and who still wish to train their own cocktoy need to ask themselves some important questions. Are they ready to learn too? Will they attend training and coaching lessons (it can be learned)? Are they ready to read widely on the subject of motivation, to become skilled in spotting different learning styles (the ways that people learn differ widely and a good program adapts to the needs of the learner)? Do they understand that incompetent teaching is a more common problem than incompetent students and will they do the best they can to ensure that doesn't happen with their student?

To find out more about how training and coaching should be done is not difficult but it's time consuming and shouldn't be underestimated. Smart and gifted people have figured out most of the tricks. Coaching skills courses abound and there are shelves and shelves full of books on the subject. With a year or two of study and dedication most would-be Masters can pick up the skills they will need.

Being a good owner is a different skillset. There's no single correct approach to take since the cocktoy is a living breathing human being with all the complexities and inner contradictions you find in any normal person. What works today may not work tomorrow (particular true in the case of females, the male toycock is usually considerably more predictable and easier to manage). It's impossible to get it right all the time but there are some obvious mistakes that can be avoided. A full manual for the owner is probably impossible to write but in any case you must read and learn and put into practice the fundamental guidelines I'll list below - the ten commandments of good cocktoy ownership. When you have done that yyour task has barely started. Get down to your local library and borrow some books on marriage guidance and relationship counselling. Most of them are nine tenths bullshit with nuggets of good advice buried in them. Make notes and write your own twenty commandments to go with the ten I list here then once a month read them and ask yourself if you are really practising what you preach to yourself.

In my view it makes sense for the owner and cocktoy to be two separate people.I've assisted a small number of owners in the training of their pets and I believe that this is a good thing with the big proviso that the cocktoy has to be happy to be trained by someone other than her owner. With a trainer she can make mistakes that would mortify her if she made them with her owner and the firmness that's required from the trainer can lead her to have very mixed feelings towards him; feelings that are best left behind in the classroom. Your mileage may vary though; it's your call.

The Ten Commandments of Cocktoy Ownership

1. At all times your requirements shall be made plain, simple and easily understood. They shall not be subject to arbitrary changes as the mood takes you; the cocktoy cannot guess what's in your mind, she shall be told.
2. Punishment shall never be used for failure to achieve the goals you set, only for failing to try.
3. Praise and reward are a hundred times more motivating anger and shall be used in that proportion.
4. You shall never respond to the cocktoy by sulking or ignoring her
5. The cocktoy spends several hours a day ensuring that your desires are met. You shall ensure that you spend an equivalent amount of time enjoying the results.
6. The cocktoys keeps herself fit and well presented for your enjoyment. You don't deserve her if you don't do the same.
7. If the cocktoy requests permission to ask a serious question you shall listen seriously while she asks it.
8. The cocktoy offers you devotion and affection. Her submission makes her vulnerable and easily hurt. You shall treat her emotions with care.
9. Realistic goals shall be set, not fantasy-fuelled impossibilities.
10. Even doms are sometimes in the wrong. It's a mark of strength, not weakness to admit it.

Home